French Kisses – For the Beginner

Welcome to the French Kisses page.   After reading the following helpful tips, you will have the basics for how to French Kiss – and in general feel more comfortable about your overall kissing abilities.  These tips appear to be for the beginner, however, even if you’re an experienced kisser, read through these tips to get a reality check.

 Before we begin, let’s get some housekeeping out of the way.

First and foremost, to ensure a positive and enjoyable kissing experience, it is crucial that your breath be fresh and your tongue clean!   If you have recently eaten or had any coffee or alcoholic beverages, check your breath – it most likely needs some freshening.  The best thing is to brush your teeth and scrape your tongue, but if you are not some place where this is convenient, at the very least, use a breath mint (preferably one without sugar, as this can add to your bad breath), or pop a stick of sugar-free gum in your mouth for a quick chew before your kiss.

And, in general, since you’re going to be very close to your partner, be sure you smell good.

There are no hard and fast rules to French Kissing, but the following tips will give you the basics and increase the pleasure of your experience.   To further enhance your kissing experience, it is very important that you be aware of your partner and in the moment.  Relax and enjoy!

Now, here we go with the good stuff!

 Step 1:  Begin by facing your partner.  Tilt your head so that your noses don’t get in the way of your mouths.  Be sure you don’t tilt in the same direction – most people prefer to tilt their heads to the right.  But figure this out and then go with it.

Get close to your partner – you should be touching your body to his or hers.  Put your hands and arms wherever they feel comfortable – on shoulders, around the waist, but be sure you embrace the other person, don’t let your arms hang at their sides.  This is an intimate act – it’s okay to be close up and personal.

 Step 2:  Moisten your lips – don’t wet them so much that they are drippy or covered with saliva, just so that they will mesh comfortably with your partner’s.

 Step 3:  Begin by giving your partner a soft and gentle kiss on the lips – not a peck and pull back.  Stay close in and now give a series of soft and gentle kisses.  Get a feel for your partner’s lips and their texture – how they fit with your lips and mouth in general.  It’s okay if you don’t have lips or mouths of similar size – sometimes adjustments have to be made, but if you’re aware of this, it will be easy – AND FUN – to do!  Kiss your partner’s lips in various spots, not the same spot over and over, kiss the top lip and then the bottom, move off center.  Kissing the face around the lips is pleasurable also.  But come back to the lips, as your focus should be there.

Did you hear that?  The focus should be on the lips and mouth - the tongue should not be used to lick other parts of a woman’s face – our survey respondents were adamant about that – please don’t ever do this: 

She is NOT enjoying this!

Step 4:  Slowly open your mouth and touch your tongue to your partner’s lips as you kiss.  Continue kissing with your lips and tongue – but don’t stick your tongue into your partner’s mouth at this point.  Give a hint of tongue, tease your partner by alternately brushing his or her lips with your tongue and softly kissing with just your lips.  Move around his or her mouth.  Remember – to increase your pleasure, take it slowly.

IMPORTANT NOTE:   At no point in time should you come at your partner with an open mouth and your tongue sticking out – he or she does not want to feel as though you are going to devour them.

The object is to enjoy the experience, so don’t rush it.  You can build up to a passionate tempo, but always be aware of what you are experiencing.  It’s a sensuous act – feel it and enjoy it.  Kiss for kissing’s sake, not for where it might take you.

Step 5:  Once you have introduced your tongue into the mix, so to speak, you can begin to use it more in various ways.  You can touch each other’s tongue.  You can use your imagination at this point – touch each other’s tongue tips – let your tongues do the kissing.  Then you can move your tongue into his or her mouth, exploring behind their teeth, touching their teeth with your tongue, the inside of the walls of their mouth, do a dance with your tongues.  Personally, my partner and I found a very sensitive area on the top of my tongue that he flicked lightly with his tongue – and was so pleasurable, I have asked him to do it again from time to time.  There should be give and take and a mutual coming together of the tongues.  At no point in time should you become so aggressive that you are not “hearing” the message your partner may be giving you.

 Always be aware of body language.  If your partner is pulling away or not participating as you think he or she should, there is probably a good reason.

a.         It could be that you are taking over the experience – they are unable to respond because you are aggressively entering their mouth and thrusting your tongue and they can’t respond in kind.  This should be a mutual experience – a give and take – a dance of the tongues.

b.         Perhaps the person just isn’t into the kiss at this moment – don’t force it.  Talk to your partner – find out what’s going on with them.  It is always okay to say no and stop the kiss – don’t be afraid to do this if you are uncomfortable.

c.         By the same token, if your partner is sighing or moaning with pleasure, you know he or she is responding positively – continue to do what you’re doing – it’s working!  But don’t be afraid to experiment.  Try something new – if it works, great!  If not, try something else.  Again, there are no rules.  Doing what feels good for both you AND your partner is what is important.

d.         Sometimes saliva can build up during a French kiss.  If this happens, swallow while you’re kissing if you can.  If not, break away briefly to do this.  Sometimes you need a breather anyway.  It’s okay, but don’t lose your connection with your partner.  Keep your head close to them and come back as soon as you can.

e.         Never burp while you’re kissing.  In a recent survey, we found that one of the most negative experiences during kissing is when the other person burps.  Hopefully, if this ever did happen, it would be a spontaneous mistake, not to be helped.  So, if you feel a burp coming on, pull away and turn your head.  You may even end up laughing about it.  But don’t offend the other person by burping in their face.  This may not only be the end of the kiss, but the relationship!

Something to remember is that at no point during French kissing should you totally forget about the lips.  Come back to them from time to time and kiss your partner fully on the mouth and lips, then go back to the tongue kissing.  Mix it up.  Variety IS the spice of life!

Sometimes people find it difficult to communicate about an intimate subject like kissing.  But the rewards of talking about what you like or don’t like are huge!  The pleasure you derive from kissing will increase dramatically if you talk about what you would like to do or not do.  Be open to suggestion and by the same token, be gentle with your suggestions.  Never tell your partner you didn’t like what he or she was doing.  The best way to tell someone how you like to be kissed is to show them.  Perform the technique for them.  This will just add to the fun.

Don’t get in a rut.  Just because you have found a way to kiss that your partner enjoys, that doesn’t mean there aren’t other techniques that he or she might not also enjoy – go for it.  But always remember to do a check in to see if they like it.  If you’ve begun an open dialogue about kissing, then he or she most likely will feel comfortable telling you what they think of the new technique.

Remember, just relax and enjoy the sensations you will derive from this experience.