What’s the Attraction?

Even though it’s the 21^st Century, there is still a bit of a stigma for a woman to ask a man on a date, and even more so if she has just met him.  So, I’m not surprised that 56% of women respondents in our Attraction Survey said they had never done that.  And another 33% said they would never ask a man they had just met for a date.  Only 11% said they would not be opposed – although they never had.  It is far more likely that a woman would reveal her attraction and invite the guy to a date in more subtle ways…probably just by showing her interest.  The rest might be up to the guy.

Years ago, I was attracted to a man to whom I had never been introduced.  He was the maitre d’ of a restaurant close to my office that I frequented.  I thought he was so beautiful and seemed so pleasant.  So after seeing him a couple of times, I steeled myself, got up my nerve and made a phone call to the restaurant asking if they could tell me his name.  They did and I think it took me another few days to call back and ask for him.  But I did and we arranged to meet.  We ended up dating for over a year.  He told me that it was a real compliment for me to have asked him for a date.  I came right out the first time I spoke with him and told him I thought he was beautiful.  Whoever said flattery will get you nowhere??  But I meant it, so I guess my sincerity shown through.

Fifty-seven percent of the men answering our survey Question 5 said that they had been asked out by a woman they just met and they did consider that a compliment.  None of the men thought it was a turn off, however, none of the men responded that it happened frequently.  Forty-three percent of our men had never been asked out by a woman they just met but say they would not be opposed to it.

Nothing from the survey results was a surprise to me.  Everything seemed in keeping with the mores of today and our society.  Maybe we should make any surprise in interpersonal dynamics only good ones.  Negative ones are very difficult to overcome.

On a final note, there is something I’d like to share with you and that is, the woman is still in charge – without her permission, nothing happens.  The smart man knows this and plays by those rules.  Forcing yourself on a woman or getting upset if she is not as interested in you as you are in her, is a losing proposition.  This same rule applies for women.  But in meeting and dating, as well as in sex in a committed relationship – nothing happens without her acquiescence.  This is not a revelation, but it is a norm that men often tend to overlook.  As the “stronger gender” men tend to assume the dominant role.  This would be a mistake.  The dynamics in a first date may be altogether different in a more committed relationship.  While we all enjoy a bit of variety in our lives, there is a level of comfort and security that come with a good relationship.  That is, after all, something that most of us seek.

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